Thinking... as Always

So lately I've had a lot of character building moments, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that they've left me lacking and at times feeling a little depressed. I am not going to go into any detail at the moment but on top of someone trying to sue me for almost as much as I make in a year- I'm at a loss as to how I am going to get through three years of college in two years with working full time and spending time with my son. There's so much to consider.

I am trying to hold on to who I was when I was younger though. When I was a teenager, to include when I was in Iraq, you could NOT tell me I couldn't do something because I went ahead and I did it anyway. I miss that. Now a days I am so discouraged at the littest things and it really needs to stop. I will say that I am proud of where I am at the moment. Less than a year ago I woke up in a cold sweat and asked myself what the fuck I was doing with my life. I was convinced that something needed to be done about it and that my childhood dreams of flying needed to be realized. On my birthday I paid for an intro flight that pretty muched changed how I was going to go about my life. Since then I've surrounded it in aviation theory and actual practice.

But where to now? In the next three years I need to take care of this large lawsuit, finish my bout with the army board, fix my living situation, finish school, apply to all of the military flight schools, make sure Joey has everything he needs while I am there (if I do get in), and do all of this while working full time... trying not to get sucked in to anything else that might be time consuming.

And again, that's just it. I've been single for about a year and a half. And before that three month relationship- I was single for a year and a half as well. I am sort of tired of being alone. I mean, it's nice to be free from the restrictions of a relationship but it's really nice to have someone to talk about your day with... but i've never settled in that category so I suppose I'll just keep on with what i've been doing.

Hm... if all this sounds like one big rant, I suppose it is. I am just feeling the pressure and stress of things I really shouldn't be. Those things just pile on top of the hard things that I've actually chose to do and well... the pressure's getting pretty heavy. I will say this though: I am not going to let it break me. My little boys gonna be proud of his Daddy.

And with that, it's off to sleep I go- plenty to do tomorrow.

"People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead." - Edith Wharton